My darling
I am the land
You are the sea
I have been waiting all of this time
Hoping each day you will come back to me
That one day you will find yourself washed up on my shores
Home with me at last and a wanderer no more 
The heart of my land is silent and still
But come morning’s break
Gone with the rising sun
I am lost


Again
By the rising tide
You were swallowed up


Each time you leave
I burry myself deeper
Along that seemingly infinite line
Where the ocean meets the land
A cold grave of my own dismay
For this stupid grieving heart
Only knows how to bleed
And I just keep giving it all away
This land, my body and my being,
I now understand
That it means so much less to me
Without your pulse 
Your breathing 
Among all of these trees


See now, I’ve built the difference
Between lonesome
And abandoned 
So as it goes,
A lonesome heart will wander
Into the abyss of its emptiness
But an abandoned heart 
Will divide itself
Only to destroy what remains 
Of its poisonous memories 


And so you go on disappearing 
Under this misty gray sky
Washing away from me one wave at a time

Come find me. I dare you.

But we keep them 

We keep them

Buried 

In the depths 

And in the disguise 

Of our familiar

Old dresser drawers

I believe that a woman should always know her true place

That is, a woman who knows where she wants to be

A woman who pushes boundaries 

And does not accept the mold set for her

Yes, we are nature’s most fearsome creation 

Feared by society

Kept in line by confusion

But in the moment where a woman realizes her strength

Understands her power

That is the moment in which she changes the world

Not to deviate from the more traditional route I have been taking but something has truly dawned on me. That this is oddly enough one of the most private places for me to express myself. So here I go once again with expressing my thoughts…

All of this time I have gone about thinking that everything in my life was different. Different from my past, different from the typical, and different from anything ever written in books. In a sense, yes, it is. It is also just as much the same as everything else. I think as humans it is easy for us to get carried away with the idea that we are unique and special and unlike anything else. This idea of grandeur seems to cause the most disappointment when we are reminded that it is all a level playing field.

I used to know the difference when you first came along but somehow I got lost along the way of loving you and I forgot the truth. Love is love just like water is water. It comes in different forms, different magnitudes, to create, sustain, and destroy. I will not be a fool to my own past either. It has its place as do you. There is just so much more to a person than just their past or their love or their fears. I remember that now. I remember that I used to be my own force of nature. I used to be completely my own. You do not need to tell me how I have changed because I am already aware, still remaining conscious of who I really am. There is no need to be afraid of change as it will happen whether we like it to or not. 

So all I have left to say is, when it comes to life, be bold. From now on I will be bold. 

 Since I gave up writing (which is seeming more and more temporary as of lately) I needed to find a new outlet(s). So upon realizing my issues and that I have been going about my life completely wrong I decided on two easy things to do to help me relax and release all of my stresses. They are, drum roll please… meditation and an appreciation journal. 

Relaxation meditation has been something I used to practice in the past and I forgot how much I really enjoyed it and the benefits for your body are just incredible. Mostly, I just want to gain a controlled calm over my mind. Secondly, I use the term “journal” very loosely. It is more writing down three good things that happened to me at the end of each day no matter how bad the day was or how small the things are. I am hoping that doing this will help me focus more positive energy into my daily life. 

So I look forward to my new outlets and, who knows, maybe it will help me get back to writing again or at least just add some extra optimism to my life. 

So after a couple days of going back and forth about whether or not to cut my hair and asking everyone I know for their opinions I finally just shut up and went for it. So yes, I cut about half of my length off and it is safe to say I am happy I did it.

It was a change that I needed and I missed having shorter hair. Maybe I look older than I am now, but that’s okay. It is just hair and it grows. Little changes like a new haircut are reminders that sometimes we can’t be afraid to just jump and take those risks we only day dream about taking. 

Oh and don’t worry, I will include a picture. 

I realize that it has been a while since I have done something good for myself and my little project has been on hold since I have been so busy. That, however, is about to change because today I am off to see my lover in Annapolis. The obvious statement is that it is difficult making a long distance relationship work. For me it is slightly different though, the hard part is living my life without my best friend at my side.

Despite my boredom as I wait around in the airport I don’t really have too much to say right now. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to visit the person I love the most. This weekend is simply just very much needed and so well deserved.  Falling in and out of love with someone constantly, well, its hard. But so worth every effort in the end. I will never stop fighting to be with you (no matter how annoying airport security is).

I know I shouldn’t

But I miss having something to say 

Well, yesterday and today were a bit more difficult than most. I decided to take something in my life that I normally hold and keep to myself and try to address it even a little bit. So I did just that explaining some of my concern, upset, and hurt towards someone close to me who has hurt me more than anyone else in my life. I tried my best to go about it in a kind manner and I would say I did a good job of that. In fact, I did such a good job I worry that I didn’t quite get my message across the way I wanted to but maybe I also helped more than I thought. 

Yes, I realize I am being ridiculously vague. It is just that some things are even too personal to share with the invisible reader. The thing is though I had a good time with this person and maybe the both of us needed that more than anything else. After all, I owe so much of who I am to them (from my likes, little quirks, to my big personality traits) and I most certainly could not be where I am right now if it wasn’t for their support and love. 

So I guess what I am trying to say overall is that sometimes the best thing to do for healing is to (cautiously) take on the things that hurt us the most and that are the hardest to do or say. It is a weight that has been lifted off of me somewhat to help me better handle all of the other things in my life that stress me out and I feel guilty for. I wouldn’t have done any of it differently. That is the one promise I make to myself…to make decisions for my past, present, and future self in mind.